Its been a year...

Its been a year since the passing of my friend Quintin. We all miss him very much... I'm not sure what to say cause i dont want to get to terribly emotional v .v but if you dont know about him he has a sushi dog dedicated to him which i love very much. 

I didnt find out about his passing till the 23rd of last year v .v but it doesnt change anything. The moment we found out we were in utter shock, then anger, and then of course everything else followed. The week before your funeral just seem like a blur. I dont remember much. I remember coming home, snow had just fallen, i was happy. Andrew was happy. We walked into our house and into Tylers room. He looked like he was crying, and then he said that you had ended your life. Of course, we stupidly asked "Are you joking?" And then there was nothing but silence. Andrew got angry, i remember he punched a hole in the wall from it, he didnt want to believe it and didnt even ask any more after that. 

After that....days dragged. I was on vacation to finish up my iron artist. But when we found out everything was put on hold. Arrangements were made. Realization settled in that we would never see you again. We would never see you smile again or hear your laughter. Never get to hug you or poke you so much that you would roll away from us. And then it dawned on me that Brittany was hurting the worst out of all of us. She was your girlfriend. She felt like it was her fault, she felt like she was the reason it happend...because she hung up. She felt like the worst scum, hated herself, blamed herself endlessly through the whole ordeal. We all tried to reassure her that depression has people do dumb things but nothing would help. 

December 1st came faster then we intended. I called out of work, crying my eyes out, letting them know i was attending a funeral. They didnt care and said i would have to bring paper work proving so. That day was the hardest. Seeing an open casket, it scared me. I hadnt seen an open casket since i was a small girl and my grandpa passed away. But there you were. You didnt look real.I was to afraid to touch you, so i didnt. Brittany didnt attend the service. My mom did, Andrew, Tyler, His dad, Your family, Brittanys family. We all were in such shock. I cried alot. But i knew that we would soon have to celebrate your life and not mourn it. At the burial brittany showed up. I held onto her tight as we lowered the casket, each of us dropping flowers to wish you well on the other side. Andrew finally broke down and cried. Asking why you had done it, why you left us, and that you were a brother to him. We all wanted to know why but human minds arent that simple. 

Time passed, weve learned to deal with the situation but not with the fact that you're gone. When Mickey comes home we all get sad knowing that at those times we would probably see you and be around you. But we still love you dearly and hope we can all see you again one day. I see you alot in my dreams, i promise im taking good care of everyone as you have asked me before. Continue to rest well and watch over us, thanks bro.